Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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