So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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