i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
