I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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