all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
