I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
