Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Fuck appropriateness.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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