So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
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He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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