Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
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And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
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I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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