first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I had to cum in my sink.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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