You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
