btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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