so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
