Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
