Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The air taste purple.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
