She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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