He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
