I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
