I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
