This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She bit a glass in half.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I touched a dick in church today
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
