Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
