there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
