Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
