4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
