i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
