Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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