I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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