I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm too high and old for this...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
