id be glad to
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
