Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
