While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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