Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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