i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
