Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
