Where are you?
In a non slutty way
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
