Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
