His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
