$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
