Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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