I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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