Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
