Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
