I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
