He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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