Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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