Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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