AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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