my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
