i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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