WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
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He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
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I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize