i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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