Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
