Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
