I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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