could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
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Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
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Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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