right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
