Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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