I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
