Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
