my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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