Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
