The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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