...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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