i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
