I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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