I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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