Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
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It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
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Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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