this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
