did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
