I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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