Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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