You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
